Today is the last day official day of my maternity leave before the weekend. I have been thinking about the last 3.5 months all week and decided and reliving it thru photos and text messages I've saved. I thought it would be fun to have a walk down memory lane...
I officially started my maternity leave at 4pm on Friday 8/24, which was my due date. I remember thinking how weird it was that I wasn't going to get up on the following Monday morning and head to the VA as I have done every Monday for the past 4 years. Honestly, I thought I would have had the baby by now. That first week home was not what I thought it would be - I was 40+ weeks pregnant, it was roughly 90+ degrees outside, and I had nothing to do. I went for my weekly doctor's appointment that Tuesday hoping that I would magically go into labor at the office. My doctor came in the room saying, "Girl...how are we feeling about induction? We know that baby is fully cooked." I was relieved to know the end was in sight but also taken back by how I had to plan the birth of my daughter in line with the upcoming holiday weekend, Labor Day. As I sat in the recliner in the exam room getting my non stress test & ultrasound, I texted Brad, my mom, & my BFF Sarah that I was going to be induced on Thursday 8/30 at 7am. I'll never forget Brad's text back, "Wow. ok." After that appointment I went to Target - shocker. I remember thinking that this would be the last "quick run into Target" for a while. The next day is a blur. I don't remember what I did but I do remember laying on the couch before going to bed enduring another round of the baby's hiccups and thinking how much I was going to miss feeling her move inside me...
Oh, contractions...
On Thursday 8/30, I woke up wondering whether I could eat some breakfast before being induced and decided to pass on breakfast until I could ask a nurse for permission. With my hair done and freshly painted toes, we checked into the Labor & Delivery unit at Central Dupage Hospital at 7:15am. I was instantly overwhelmed when we walked on the unit because all the staff turned and looked at us as we were walking in. It was change of shift so there was twice the amount of people there. It didn't take long to get settled in the birthing suite - hospital gown on, monitors hooked up, and Brad charging his Ipad. About that breakfast, it was a no go. They started the Pitocin at 7:45am and encouraged us to walk around the unit as much as possible. It was like the Indy 500 - so many laps around the unit. A little after noon, the doctor broke my water and the real fun started. I asked for the epidural and when it was all said & done, it was hooked up by 2pm. Then, you just wait for the "magic" to happen. Around 8:45pm, I started shaking & shivering. Brad goes to tell the nurse & doctor and they were thrilled because it meant I had transitioned to the next stage of labor. Sure enough, I was 10cm dilated. All I can say is that child birth is by far the hardest thing I've ever done. I pushed for over 4 hours to get our little miracle into the world. My epidural stop working at the peak of the action - not cool. Props to women who deliver without any epidural. At one point, I looked up and told Brad, "I know this is going to sound stupid but this is really hard." Brad was a superhero coach and got me through EVERY contraction & EVERY push. I feel like that 4+ hours of pushing was a time warp but I'll never forget the last half hour or so. My doctor was concerned with how long I had been pushing and basically threatened to do a C-section if I couldn't push her out in the next 30 minutes. That sparked something inside me and according to Brad I "kicked it into high gear." Like I was slacking before, right? The nurses & doctor were so encouraging and when they told me I only had to push one more time, I couldn't believe it. I'll never forget them telling me to open my eyes with that last push. The next few moments were surreal and forever etched in my memory...that first cry...the feeling when they put her on my chest when she was merely seconds old...those big blue eyes staring back at me for the first time...
That first week home was hard to say the least. Between the breastfeeding struggles, sleepless nights, and rough physical state that I was in - I thought it would never get better. Thank God for my Mom coming over everyday to play baby nurse. She helped me troubleshoot breastfeeding challenges, cooked lots of yummy food, and share lots of cuddles with Eloise. Over the next few weeks, we had lots of visitors that stopped by with their arms full of food and gifts. Every week things seem to get a little easier. Slowly but surely I was figuring this whole motherhood thing out. I kept wondering when I would start to feel normal again and it was probably at 6 weeks. During that 6th week, I got my haircut and it truly helped snap me back to feeling human. I remember the first time I went to Target with the baby and was so proud of myself that I could get everything on my list and still feel like I had time to wander the isles a little. There were many days that I felt defeated when it came to nursing and felt like it was never going to get easier. Like every breastfeeding mom knows, every little sign of weight gain is validation that you are doing something right. Because of this, I'm obsessed with our bath tub that Brad picked out that weighs the baby and tells you the water temperature. Even now, I weigh Eloise every night. Eloise and I have a good routine now so much so that she tries to pull my shirt down for me when it is time to eat. Now that Eloise is 14 weeks old, those first few weeks feel like a lifetime ago. I feel so much more confident with breastfeeding and I'm actually going to miss it when I have to pump instead of nurse her during the day while I'm at work. Little by little, we have figured out her cries and have our go-to things that we do to make her giggle or smile. We truly have been blessed with a baby with a great temperament.
When I think about how to sum up my maternity leave, all these random phrases come to mind...
Pumping... Lots of "little bites" of food... Asking Questions... Cookies... Tank Tops & Zip-up hoodies... Tears... Mommy Blogs... Googling... Medela... Documenting... Timing... Texting... Nipple Cream... Speakerphone... Swaddling... Pacifier... Routines... Online Shopping... Singing Songs... Trial & Error... Laundry... Shopping trips with Clic & Go Stroller... Cuddles... Giggles... Love...
