Summer of Great Grandma

Labor Day is often considered the unofficial end of summer just like how Memorial Day is often considered the start of summer.  Over the long Labor Day weekend, I was reflecting about our summer as this summer will be one that we will never forget for many reasons.  Just before the "start of summer," we welcomed Preston into the world and I thought that his birth would be the biggest thing impacting our family this summer but I was wrong.  For our family, Memorial Day was not just the start of summer but the beginning of a journey for my Grandma Fitz.  Just after Memorial Day, my Grandma was diagnosed with Stage 3 Lung Cancer.  After much consideration, she decided to leave her home in Peoria, move in with my parents in Oak Forest, and start her cancer treatment at Loyola. 

All of my life, I have wished that my Grandma lived closer to our family.  Once I had Eloise, I wanted them to have the chance to know each other as my Grandma optimizes what it means to be a Grandma.  In a million years, I would have never expected that this was the circumstances that bring us physically closer.  When I got the news about her diagnosis, I was devastated to say the least.  For those of you who don't know Connie Mae Fitzgerald, she is a unicorn.  What? Yes.  A Unicorn.  She is one of a kind and magical.  She is 84...almost 85 years old...drives a red SUV with the word "SKI" as part of her license plate number and has more amazing stories than all of Barbara Walters' Most Fascinating People combined.  She makes friends everywhere she goes, stands up for what is right and has a prayer list longer than the Christmas list of a 5 year old kid.  My Grandma has always had this air about her that she was untouchable...never aging...invincible.  Honestly, I believed it and this is what made this diagnosis so hard for me.  When I got the news, I made the decision that no matter what that I was going to make my Grandma a priority this summer and be present in her journey. 

With a few exceptions,  I would pack up Preston & Eloise and bring them to my parents' house at least once a week.  My mom told me that holding Preston had a healing component to him and I took that to heart.  My Grandma got to meet him when he was just 10 days old and has been able to watch him grow week by week since then.  She introduced whistling to him and got some of his first smiles out of him.  Now, anytime that he hears whistling, he smiles.  I'm convinced it's because he is thinking of his great grandma.  Not only has my Grandma won Preston over, her and Eloise have bonded as well.  Now that she is a short car ride away, she & Eloise have gotten to know each other.  Eloise regularly asks about Great Grandma whenever we aren't at my parents' house.  My mom and I joke about how much of a big deal it is when Eloise adds you to her "roster" and asks about you.  In our opinion, it's like you've entered her world and her little heart.  It's hard to try to explain to a 3 year old what cancer is like so I don't. All Eloise needs to know is that Great Grandma is living with Grandma Carrots & Papa Kevin.  Every once in a while she would ask about her visible "ouchies" and her resolution was always very quick & simple - draw her a picture and bring her a princess Band-Aid. 

I quickly realized that cancer treatment becomes a lifestyle.  Not just for the patient but for their caretakers as well.  Days can blur into one another when they are filled with appointment after appointment, test after test, and waiting and then some more waiting.  Often times, I have felt so frustrated as I feel like a total spectator in this lifestyle because I haven't been able to help.  I have had my hands full with an infant and a toddler.  Of course, my Grandma understands that and graciously thanks me every time that I bring the kids out to see her.  Because of the intensity and rigorous schedule of my Grandma's treatment, many members of our family have stepped up to be part of the treatment team.  The Clark Bed & Breakfast (aka my parents' house) has had many guests this summer!  Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't get to see my Grandma or my aunt & uncle this often.  On top of that, so many people have been able to enjoy spending time with my two little blessings - Eloise & Preston.  It's hard to be sad when there is a toddler teaching a group of adults about My Little Pony and an infant laughing at his own reflection.  In some ways, this has been the silver lining of this journey and I'll take it.

After a whole summer of hearing about my Grandma's treatment and picturing what it was like, I was finally able to sit with her at what would be her final Chemo appointment.  I wasn't surprised to see how all the staff there responded so positively to my Grandma and simply adored her.  I knew that she had won them all over just as she does with everyone else she meets.  Thinking back to that day, I remember how excited she was to introduce me to her nurses and brag about me being a working mom and how bright my kids are.  Only my Grandma would be hooked up to a 5 hour Chemo protocol and go out of her way to make me feel comfortable and supported.  Even on her toughest days, she never waivered in role as head of our family.  She keeps us connected, shows us she loves us and supports us in everything we do.  During the summer, she and I have had many conversations about motherhood.  She still remembers how hard it is to breastfeed an infant when you have a demanding toddler and encourages me to "keep up the good work."  Even when Eloise is being difficult, she smiles and tells me, "See Honey, at least we know she's normal."  I've heard people say that no matter how old you get or how old your kids get that you will always worry about them and need to parent them.  After spending so much time with my Grandma these past few months, I have a whole new appreciation for that sentiment.  She probably doesn't realize it but I have learned so much about parenting, motherhood and grace from her during this time. I will be forever grateful.     

This summer, it felt like there was a lot of talk about what bravery was or what it looked like.  Of course, I'm biased and I want to say that my Grandma is the epitome of bravery for all the obvious reasons.  A wise friend of mine told me, "there is enough bravery to go around for everyone"  and she was right. Yes, my Grandma is brave but so is everyone who has taken an active role in her treatment and been part of this journey.  With that said....my Grandma made the decision to shave her head after she was losing hair by the handfuls last Thursday.  For me, this is what bravery looks like...  

So, now we wait.  We wait to see if all of this "worked."  As I've been writing this post, I realize that this journey will soon be just another fantastic story that my Grandma will tell people when she is huddled with a group of her ski buddies back at the ski lodge or sitting in a boat with a group of fellow travel enthusiasts on some wild adventure.  I said it once and I'll say it again, my Grandma is a unicorn.  One of a kind and magical.  Always be a unicorn Grandma.  I love you.